Mar 1, 2010

an anniversary of sorts

Two years ago, I journaled the following . . .
Can it really be that simple? Boxes in the trunk, certificates off the wall, wastepaper basket full, memos in files, paycheck in hand, key off the ring. That's it? Briefcase packed away and apron strings tied - in a matter of seconds?

A sense of relief? not quite. Calmness? my brain is anything but calm. Reassurance from within or above? almost, but not really.

Last night there was wine and revelry. This morning there's a headache and a lack of fireworks.

This is a new journey in both the simple (that is, to storytime rather than to the courthouse) and something more complex. I feel on the verge of something new, of becoming someone new, someone closer to the real me. It feels silly and self-indulgent to write on it yet. There's been no huge awakening - just a glimmer in my mind that there is something out there I've been searching for and that maybe, just maybe I'll soon find "it."


Two years ago today was my first day on the job, my job as a stay at home mom.

Staying at home did not come naturally. In fact, I was probably more prepared on my first day as a lawyer than my first day at home. It's not all rainbows and unicorns around here. On any given day you could feed a small country from the crumbs on my floor and the number of times I have welcomed Dan home at 5:30, still dressed in my unchanged pajamas, is too many to count.

Have I found "it?" Not sure. But I have made a great discovery. These last two years, amid the routine and messes and training and discipline and sleeplessness and stories and finger paint - by God's grace - I've discovered I'm doing exactly what I was made to do.

As my children's shepard, cruise director, band leader, and personal chef, I might not be using my two degrees, but those will wait. For the time being, I strive to be as intentional in my parenting as possible as I firmly believe that this role in my home, this mission field if you will, is where I've been led. So, it's worth celebrating, as anniversaries are, this day after we took the leap of faith.

Now off to clear a path, between the crumbs and the toys, to bed. A bed which will likely hold one, if not both, of our rugrats before the night is over - just to dispel any image of supermom - ha!


Julie said...

So glad it's not rainbows and unicorns there either! I'm proud of you....this job is no easy task! Can't believe it's been 2 years already!

Shannon said...

Autumn...I am proud of you too. You are a great mommy and your kids are lucky to have you. And just so you know...your "leap of faith" taught me to take a good long look at my life as well back then. I know I don't see you very often anymore but I still miss you!